I quit.

I feel so defeated today. I had the realization early this morning that no matter how hard someone works or tries, its never going to amount to anything. You have to be connected or have gone to a certain school or been in the right place at the right time and if not? Too bad. Enjoy renting an apartment and being childless the rest of your life... I'm kind of coming to terms that I will never have any children or a home of my own. I've got to accept that as long as I live, I will never be able to knock down a wall or hang pictures or repaint a foyer. Yes, they are simple things to ask for; however, it doesn't make it any less painful to think that I will never have them.

My husband and I were discussing earlier that in order to succeed, there is a game that must be successfully played. If you don't know how to play the game, you won't be considered for any position at any company in any state. As it turns out, I can't play the game. I refuse to stab someone in the back or spread malicious lies about people or gossip when the boss is away and then rat everyone out to the boss when they come back. I won't do it. I feel that those actions are suited for "Jersey Shore" but not for real life in the work place. Call me old fashioned, but I believe that workplace success should be based on merit and a strong work ethic. But what do I know? I'm just a stay-at-home wife...

Feelin' a bit grinchy

So my family isn't coming, my husband's family isn't coming, we completely broke, I'm getting sued by a credit card company because unemployment doesn't pay enough to cover all the bills... let's see what else... Eh, that's all I can stand to think about right now.

I can't stand how some people have life so easy. I understand there are people that work hard for it and I don't have a problem with that. It's the people that act fucking retarded and still have everything I've ever wanted. To be broke and ashamed to accept a handout so our car doesn't get repossessed or to pay our electricity is one thing. To be broke and buy a new Black Ops or Halo with a handout is just shameful. To beg gas money off of your baby momma's parents to buy concert tickets instead of baby diapers? come on....

Landmark Decision

So we're not going home for Christmas this year... I'm not surprised. I think, somehow, I knew it would come down to making grown up decisions and separate the women from the girls. However, to make the decision a little easier my mom decided to come and bring my aunt and little cousin over to our house in Phoenix for a weekend!!!! I'm really excited to see the little one (I say little one like she's a baby or something; she's 14). I've missed her so much since I've been out here.

On a more positive note, I've discovered a plethora of audiobooks to listen to while I finish my mom's blanket. It feels like I've been crocheting that dumb thing for at least a year! Its almost done though (20 rounds to go). Well, I guess that's about it (hubby just got up from his nap so I'm off).